self-indulgence

Strange Story

grahamcommand Fiction, Stories , , , ,

Note: This is a fictional story. Part 1 is based on my real experience

In my rebellious youth, I wilfully plunged into all manner of self-indulgence, to gain frequent ecstatic enjoyment, until the self-indulgence, slowly gained control over me the more I indulged

Although I enjoyed each of the pleasures within my indulgences, the length of time each lasted became shorter and more exhausting to maintain

 All too soon I became a miserable slave without a will of my own being, for now, I was misguided  into increasing darkness to perform whatever my dominating indulgence led me into

While glimpses of pleasure flickered before me, I was unable to reach or hold onto them for long

Part 2 Is totally fictional

Day after day, month after month, year after year I continued helpless and growing weaker as time flew past until one day death overtook my weakened body

With my dying breath, I sighed in relief that my torment was soon to be over

My hope was abruptly shattered when I found myself in Hell!

The darkness was so dense it was petrifying to move even one single step, although I could hear others groaning who seemed to be close though none were visible

Only my thoughts and images filled my mind taunting me with past pleasures, though there was nothing left of me, just an empty shell unable to indulge,

Suddenly a great wave of sorrow and despondency flooded over me and exertion, I desired rest but there was none to be found

I became aware of flames surrounding me although I could not see them but knew them as well as the flames of desire from my self-indulgence days

As the heat from the flames increased, burning into my flesh I felt myself helplessly plunge further downwards knowing there was no escape

With a sudden jolt, I awoke from this nightmare, knowing this was a warning from God to repent

I fell to my knees and pleaded for forgiveness and thanked God for the warning dream

From that day forward I will praise Him with every fibre of my being for His Love His Grace and His patience

The Darkest of All Days

grahamcommand Christian, Religion , , , , ,

If the day ever dawned that I gave up believing and became an atheist, that would be for me the darkest day

If they finally convinced me that Jesus was not a real person or that his whole life was just another biblical fairy story, for me to give up a lifelong friend as he became to me would be unbearable and this would be the darkest of all days 

Although atheist would say it was a bright day, as I would be now free to start living life the way in which it should live uncluttered and unrestricted by religion

While there is a certain appeal to the idea of being able to please oneself, self-indulgence is mostly a short lived with far reaching consequences

At least the pleasure side of self-indulgence is short lived, the after affects are all too often longer lasting, as bad habits are easily formed from self-indulgence

Habits that grow in silent strength quickly overtaking any self-control, rendering us incapable of resisting, until the point of no return when we become addicted

I find it hard to imagine what my life would be like without religion, my faith my belief my prayers will be heard and answered

If I were to give up my faith, I know I would be filled with sorrow, for there would be no reason for singing praise songs, which have become a big and precious part of my life as they were for those who wrote them in the past

I often hear “there is no after life or heaven, just this one life” while this makes also me sad but not for the reasons they who say such thing might expect

As I doubt I would qualify as a faithful servant, but it would be enough for me to meet face to face with Jesus even if he turn me away

But not getting to live forever and dwell in heaven is not my saddest thought, but my deepest sadness would not be able to comfort my family once I die and even if I lived in paradise this regret well may haunt me

While I realize that religions often give rise to misunderstanding which may then lead to misguided followers to do evil things, this fact alone could be enough to persuade me to give up my own faith beliefs

This however would require a lot more convincing than mere words can affect me, it would also mean putting aside all of my past experiences

Even thinking about this fills me with utter despair, I can’t even imagine what my life would be like without Jesus – without the praise songs – without prayer and the assurance if answers